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Is the grass greener over there??
Are you a grass is always greener thinker?
Do you or others you know often think that when ‘this’ or ‘that’ changes in your life that, everything will improve and then you will be happy? When you get your new job? When you get your new car? When you move? When you lose weight? When you meet that someone special? When you have more money? And the list goes on. Have you ever been in the situation of reaching the grass on the other side, only to realise that the new happiness is short-lived? That you did move and yes you were happier for a few months and then everything just somehow slips back to normal and you no longer feel that headiness or excitement….the grass was not really greener?
So why does this happen? Well I suppose it depends on which theory you choose to follow…and there are many. One theory, is that we are all born with a particular level of happiness and that no matter what happens in our life, we will always come back to that level?? I suppose you could liken it to having a genetic inheritance of having brown, curly hair and no matter what color or style you change it to you, it is always really brown? So, if you are born to be of “run-of-the-mill” happiness levels, this theory suggests that no matter what ups and downs you have in life that you will always even out to be averagely happy??
My theory is that no matter what you change geographically, cosmetically or materially, unless you make some changes within yourself that your happiness levels will not change dramatically. Again, yes a new hairdo may spike the happiness levels for a few days but not much beyond that. I liken it to having problems with your car’s engine…..you can change the tyres, paint it, put in a new windscreen and even park it in someone else’s driveway…..but guess what???? The engine is still stuffed. No matter what you have done to it geographically, cosmetically or materially on the outside….if you have not fixed the engine you cannot expect it to run better. So why do we all expect that making a few outer changes to our lives, will instantly make us happier?? It makes no sense.
If we want to be happier we must be working with our inner self and not just external things. Moving; getting skinnier; buying news clothes, furniture or car may help for a brief time, but soon you will realise that it is actually YOU that is not happy. After all, if we move house to be happier, guess what?? You are taking the unhappy occupant, (you), with yourself. You may soon realise it was not the house but the occupant, (you), that caused the unhappiness?
It is not all doom and gloom……We just need to work on the engine not the exterior, we need to work on the occupant not the house! Once you heal and repair the causes of your unhappiness than you may find that you have no need to look for greener grass and that your grass is doing just fine! This does not mean that we shouldn’t change our external situation. It just means that there is no point changing external stuff, if you are not going to work on the causes of the unhappiness to start with. If I liken it to my car scenario….have the engine fixed to make the car run smoothly and then, by all means give your car a wash; a new set of tyres; a spray of perfume and then you can be happy as a pig in mud, driving off into the sunset! What do you need to change, INTERNALLY, to be happier??? Let me know what your thoughts??